We got about a foot of snow this weekend, which prevented me from spending time with Ash. It will be a lot of fun driving to work tomorrow. So I have made a list of things to do with my life since it looks like it will be spent alone (well, besides Ash). I want to keep myself busy...
So, I have decided that over the next year I'll keep myself busy with the gym, CPA studying and work. I want to start reading more, and I'm starting with classical Greece. I finished the Odyssey and I'm working through the Illiad. There are a few other books there I want to read before moving on to Latin literature. I figure I'll start in the past and move forward. I'm not only going to study literature, but also history, geography, and I want to start travelling a lot when I have my financial situation in a good position.
I'm really looking forward to getting my own house, and fixing it up. That's one thing good about not being married...you can kinda do what you want without having to hear someone complain about your ideas. Well, maybe that was just the way my last marriage was...
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Progress
Ok, so I have discovered there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done. I have 3 goals this year: get through the CPA, pay off as much debt as possible, and get down to 210 lbs. In order to do this I have decided to study 3 hours/night during the week, work 2 hours of OT M-F, and going to the gym in the morning 4 days a week.
So, this will require me to get up at 4:30 am, be at the gym by 5:30, get to work by 8:15, work until 7:15, and then study 3 hours that evening...which would take me until about 11 pm. Go to sleep and repeat. Ugh....
My studying is going well. I am planning to take my next test April 17th and the rigorous study schedule should get me through.
My debt situation is getting better. In fact, I could everything paid off by the end of this year except for my student loans. This would put me in a great position to buy a house next year!
As for my workouts...ugh. I lost 50 pounds after the separation/divorce...and i've gained about 35 of that back. If I can get into the gym 4 days a week, with 90 minute workouts I should have no problem getting my weight down. I am so sick of being overweight!!!
So, this will require me to get up at 4:30 am, be at the gym by 5:30, get to work by 8:15, work until 7:15, and then study 3 hours that evening...which would take me until about 11 pm. Go to sleep and repeat. Ugh....
My studying is going well. I am planning to take my next test April 17th and the rigorous study schedule should get me through.
My debt situation is getting better. In fact, I could everything paid off by the end of this year except for my student loans. This would put me in a great position to buy a house next year!
As for my workouts...ugh. I lost 50 pounds after the separation/divorce...and i've gained about 35 of that back. If I can get into the gym 4 days a week, with 90 minute workouts I should have no problem getting my weight down. I am so sick of being overweight!!!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Utter chaos....
It is January 2010. It has been 3 years since my marriage ended. A lot of good things have happened since: I finished a 2nd college degree, I've got a good job, and the depression I felt during my marriage is gone. So I feel good about life, even though things are far from perfect. I do feel there is a bright light in the future.
However, I am very confused right now. I'm at a fork in the road, and am not sure exactly what it is that I want from life. 12 years ago I came home from my mission, and wanted to get through college, get married, have a family, and that was that. Now....I want more. I don't want my life to be: birth, school, work, die. And that's the way it feels like it's going. I want adventure. I want excitement...
So...I'm not sure what I want. The more I think about it, the more it feels like marriage would only push me along that path more. Maybe I'm just worried because I lost so much time in my first marriage. It's true that it was nothing but bad for me, other than having Ashleigh.
What do I do? Living alone has its advantages: the freedom to do what I want without asking permission, the freedom to live how I want....it's all about FREEDOM! Right now marriage feels like I would be losing freedom. It's a lifestyle that is so restricting. The responsibilities that come with it...you can't just go off whenever you feel like it. So right now I'm leaning towards a life by myself, and pouring everything into making Ashleigh's life everything she wants. And at the same time, I will be able to go out and do things without having to answer to anyone about them. That sounds so good...and it makes marriage just sound so negative.
I still feel guilty about it though. Why? I guess it's just the way I was raised in the church. A person is supposed to get married, have kids, and spend the rest of their lives enjoying their kids and grandkids. I just don't know if that's what I want.
However, I am very confused right now. I'm at a fork in the road, and am not sure exactly what it is that I want from life. 12 years ago I came home from my mission, and wanted to get through college, get married, have a family, and that was that. Now....I want more. I don't want my life to be: birth, school, work, die. And that's the way it feels like it's going. I want adventure. I want excitement...
So...I'm not sure what I want. The more I think about it, the more it feels like marriage would only push me along that path more. Maybe I'm just worried because I lost so much time in my first marriage. It's true that it was nothing but bad for me, other than having Ashleigh.
What do I do? Living alone has its advantages: the freedom to do what I want without asking permission, the freedom to live how I want....it's all about FREEDOM! Right now marriage feels like I would be losing freedom. It's a lifestyle that is so restricting. The responsibilities that come with it...you can't just go off whenever you feel like it. So right now I'm leaning towards a life by myself, and pouring everything into making Ashleigh's life everything she wants. And at the same time, I will be able to go out and do things without having to answer to anyone about them. That sounds so good...and it makes marriage just sound so negative.
I still feel guilty about it though. Why? I guess it's just the way I was raised in the church. A person is supposed to get married, have kids, and spend the rest of their lives enjoying their kids and grandkids. I just don't know if that's what I want.
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